I have a question about communication. I’m an Aries (born 4/14/87 in Asheville, North Carolina at 1:41 pm) and feel like my partner and I have very different communication styles that can cause conflict. He was born 12/31/86 in Durham, North Carolina at 4:42 am.

Do you have suggestions on how two folks, who are very competitive and strong willed, can better communicate with one another?

Hello Aries!

You have an Aries Mercury in the 9th house, and your third house has Virgo on the cusp, which is ruled by Mercury. With the ruler of the 3rd house in the 9th, you have the basic everyday type of learning and communication combined with the higher mind. Everything you hear or read contributes to your personal vision, and you try to fit this into your own philosophy or belief system. You have a need for your opinion to be heard because the 9th house represents the propagation of knowledge and truth. This effect is multiplied because your chart has a 9th house emphasis. Aries Mercury indicates a way of thinking that is decisive and competitive. Your communication style is quick and direct. There is an air of impulsiveness and immediacy when you are getting a point across.

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Your partner’s Mercury is in the 1st house, conjunct the second house cusp and is in the sign of Capricorn. His 3rd house has Aquarius on the cusp and Uranus, the ruler of Aquarius, is in his first house. He is willing to communicate openly and is often willing to go along with others to facilitate communication. He is curious about everything in his environment and will elicit conversations with people in order to gather information about anything that sparks his curiosity. His Capricorn Mercury shows that he is shrewd, practical and organized in his thinking. He is inclined to think about what makes him feel secure and is concerned with what will give practical, concrete results. Capricorn is ruled by Saturn, which values hard work and carefulness over speed.

Aries and Capricorn are Cardinal signs and squared each other, so you both have a good deal of force in your communications, but have very different styles. Because of the aspects between you, the two of you are telepathically linked and pick up important information from each other nonverbally. You are likely to share interests in Neptune-ruled subjects like music, dance, film, poetry, dreams and things beyond the physical plane. Squares are traditionally thought of as difficult aspects but they can more accurately be approached as active energies that need an outlet. There is a fine line between intellectually stimulating and irritating. You cannot ignore each other and must have an outlet for the intellectual sparks between you. At worst, you may see him as impractical, vague, moody and indecisive. On a bad day he could see you as prosaic, overly intellectual and lacking in sensitivity. On a good day he finds you mentally stimulating and inspiring, and you help him to be more open minded. He helps you find creative solutions to problems and should be able to communicate well with you about family and domestic life.

Your composite chart, which is a chart for the relationship itself, is promising. You have a combined fifth house sun, showing that this is essentially a romantic relationship and that you give each other good opportunities for self-expression. Your composite Mercury is also in the fifth house and shows that as a couple you enjoy intellectual modes of recreation and self-expression. You might try having a regular game night, where you can flex your brain power without wreaking havoc. When you need a break from strenuous discussion, try doing things together that are intellectually based but do not require talking. Watch movies, go to concerts together, read together, or read to each other. Also, try writing to each other!

If you can’t say something without getting frustrated, try texting or emailing each other. You have composite Mercury sextile composite Saturn. This is an easy, natural aspect and shows that the two of you can exercise caution when planning things together to ensure success. Good Saturn aspects like this can give you some restraint and help you to set boundaries when needed. Lay out some ground rules.

One last point is that You also have composite Mercury trine composite Chiron, showing that although you may have your awkward times, you are ultimately helping to heal each other.

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Best, Cheryl