Dear Cheryl,

Why are men put off by me, but women drawn to me? Not specific to romance, just surrounded by women my whole life. … I struggle to tolerate most “male personalities.” I initially attributed to my Mars in Cancer, but I am under the impression that relates to my mother (she is Cancer moon).

Benjamin




Hi Benjamin,

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A birth chart is not inherently male or female. Astrologically, everyone has both masculine and feminine energy in their chart. Masculine and feminine energy in astrology isn’t “male” or “female” as we see it culturally, but more like the positive and negative poles on a magnet. Mars in anyone’s chart, regardless of sexual preferences or gender identification, indicates how we express our masculine energy and how we prefer to see masculine energy expressed in others.

You have a Leo sun, Pisces moon and Scorpio ascendant. You were going in the right direction by looking at your Mars, but there is more to it than that. With any question about relationships, it is important to look at the ascendant, which has a very strong bearing on our attitude and appearance and plays a large part in who will find us attractive.

You have a grand water trine involving your Mars, moon and ascendant. Water is a feminine element in astrology and a trine is an easy/comfortable aspect. You have many easy aspects to your ascendant showing that you are generally seen as likeable and relatable and you project water element qualities easily.

The glitch here is that you have your Leo sun squared your Scorpio ascendant. Scorpio energy is emotionally self-protective. Leo is a fire sign and fire is a masculine element in astrology. Hard aspects can bring out the side of Leo that is known for bossiness, egotism and self-entitlement. When it is in hard aspect to the ascendant, there would be vacillation between those qualities and the opposite, making you unsure of yourself.

The inconsistent behavior that goes with that inner conflict can make you and the people around you uncomfortable. That aspect shows that the world does not always respond to you in the way you think it should, until you learn to adjust. That adjustment brings out the best Leo qualities of warmth, steadfast leadership and generosity. It is likely that you see the negative qualities that are your own shadow side in the men that you meet and are put off by.

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Looking to Mars to explain your discomfort with traditional expressions of male energy, we can start with the sign and house. The sign of Cancer is emotional, sympathetic and nurturing, and can also be moody, pessimistic and manipulative. Mars is our fighting spirit and we need that as part of our survival instinct. Your Mars is a sensitive, intuitive one, but this sensitivity should not be mistaken for weakness.

Cancer is a cardinal sign, showing plenty of initiative, self-motivation and ability to lead. You still display all the Mars qualities of boldness, recklessness and even belligerence, but they are expressed with Cancerian sensitivity and emotionality. Your Cancer Mars is in an easy aspect to the moon, showing that you are comfortable with nurturing, sensitive people, especially mother figures.

Your other aspects to Mars include a trine to Uranus, giving you a restless energy and a strong self-will. You also have Mars inconjunct Neptune and Mars/Neptune contacts are known for being difficult because they undermine confidence and the ability to take action. Neptune blurs reality and encourages us to have a rich fantasy life. This is great for creativity but not so great for getting things done in the world. The inconjunct is an aspect that tends to be a problem when we are young, but can become a strength as we gain experience and genuine confidence as opposed to bravado.

I think your Mars squared Pluto is probably the biggest influence in your incompatibility with male personalities. You feel a sense of danger when confronted with direct expressions of Mars energy. Tense aspects between Mars and Pluto are the most forceful aspects we can have. People with Mars squared Pluto usually have incidents of notable physical and/or emotional violence in their lives. They are also very armored and are strong enough to weather any storm.

There is a fierceness that is extreme, in both the constructive and the destructive sense. This kind of energy is very magnetic and can draw people inexplicably toward you or make them inexplicably frightened of you. As with all of astrology, you can be either the victim or the perpetrator of the energy indicated by the aspect over the course of a lifetime. This aspect was also in the charts of the indefatigable proponent of passive resistance Mahatma Gandhi and extraordinary athlete and activist Muhammad Ali.

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Mars in a chart does not indicate the mother, even if it is in the sign of Cancer and aspects planets in your mother’s chart. The moon and the 4th house cusp are where we usually look for information about the mother.

There are a number of astrological indicators showing your comfort with feminine energy. Your 11th house Virgo Venus is opposite your 4th house Pisces moon. Venus and the moon are the two planets that we look at to give us information about women and feminine energy in anyone’s chart. Oppositions create a constant awareness of the two energies involved.

This is a lifelong thing and is never really resolved, so you are constantly working on finding a balance between the two. Venus in your 11th house shows a likelihood of female friends and the moon in the 4th indicates a strong emotional bond with family and notable influence from the mother. Overall, you find feminine energy more interesting and stabilizing than masculine energy and so prefer to be around people who project feminine energy.

Best,

Cheryl

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Cheryl Fair is a multi-disciplinary artist and professional astrologer living in Baltimore. She is a member of the National Council for Geocosmic Research (NCGR) and Mensa. For more information, check out her website https://cherylfairastro.com/. 

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