“I don’t know if you can have two great loves in a lifetime, but I’m hoping.”
With that poignant declaration, Rockville’s Joan Vassos officially launched her journey to find a human rose among the thorns on ABC’s premiere of “The Golden Bachelorette” on Wednesday.
The 61-year-old private school fundraiser, who famously left “The Golden Bachelor” to care for her daughter struggling with postpartum depression, is now the one calling the shots among a selection of age-appropriate hotties. The vibe is sweet, fun and very specifically about experience — at one point a suitor hands Joan a letter his son has written her, but she doesn’t have her glasses on to read it. RELATABLE.
Like “Golden Bachelor” lead Gerry Turner, Vassos is a telegenic widow whose season leads with sentiment instead of the sloppy sexiness that abounds on the regular younger version of the show. There’s a long montage of all the men weeping to video messages from their kids and grandkids. It’s hilarious that on “The Bachelor,” cute 20-somethings fret over how to tell their prospective sweetheart that they’re single moms, while here, handsome gentlemen are openly brought to tears by some adorable tyke saying, “We love you Pop-Pop!”
Which is not to say that there’s no potential messiness here. Already, 68-year-old retired Chicago chef Jack Lencioni seems as interested in recording content for his own cooking show as connecting with Joan. But as with Turner’s cast, there’s an instant camaraderie between these well-dressed widowers and divorcees.
Just remember: Being old enough to get the senior discount doesn’t mean they can’t be shady. Hot granddads were probably first hot young guys, and they’ve signed up to be on a reality dating show, so we’re not here to achieve world peace.
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Here are my takeaways from the premiere.
Musical memories
“The Golden Bachelorette” starts strong in the emotional soundtrack department with Joan’s voice-over about meeting her late husband, John, in Ocean City and losing him to cancer in 2021, set to Kacey Musgraves’ sweet “Rainbow,” (a song I have never listened to without sobbing). Then comes Phil Collins’ soaring “Take Me Home,” which is actually not about finding love but being locked in a mental institution, which is not as inspiring. But it’s super fun to sing!
First impressions
The limo exits, where each man emerges to say something memorable to the lead, are always a mixture of clever and cringe. Wednesday was no exception. French/Chicagoan salon owner Pascal Ibgui makes a strong entrance (my fifth-grader doesn’t believe that’s his real accent but kids are haters). Ditto retired U.S. Navy Capt. Kim Buike who shows up in his dashing white uniform like Richard Gere whisking Debra Winger away from the factory. Austin rancher David Huff shows up on a horse, but the horse, who may not have signed the release and wants nothing to do with this foolishness, takes off. Awkward.
Then there’s very cute Kansan Chock Chapple, who offered up homemade chicken noodle soup; fit Iowan Jonathan Rone; Reno doctor Guy Gansert, who looks like the lead in a CBS drama called “Doctor Reno”; Gary Livingston, who gives mature Questlove vibes; and adorable self-named girl dad Keith Gordon, who rolls up in a ‘70s hooptie. And we can’t forget my boy Jack, singing Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” in his pink jacket. Again, it’s a weird song choice for romance because it’s more about shameless self-determination than love. He may be a red flag, but he’s fun. I’m not dating him!
Nepo daddy alert
Kelsey Anderson, winner of the most recent “Bachelor” and fiancee of star Joey Graziadei, introduced her dad Mark to Joan. Mark’s silver beard game is on point and he seems like a nice guy. I imagine ABC’s going to keep him around for a while, even if he doesn’t find true love with Joan, because synergy.
Classy kisses
In her preview, Joan explained to her family that she might be kissing a lot of dudes, but in the premiere we only see her smooch girl dad Keith, who also gets the “first impression” rose. I’m all for our homegirl getting as many makeouts as she wants, but it was honestly refreshing. She recently told Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos that the upcoming fantasy suites aren’t going to be the usual sexfest because she doesn’t believe in being intimate with more than one man at a time. Yay, Joan.
Welcome back Gerry, I guess
One of the show’s tried and true (and sometimes tired) tropes is the return of the previous season’s lead, technically the ex of this season’s star. The previews show Gerry, who started divorce proceedings from “Golden Bachelor” winner Theresa Nist within three months of their wedding, pulling up to say hi to Joan. Meh. We know now that Gerry had a serious girlfriend after being widowed despite saying he hadn’t dated in decades, and that he’s not the dashing successful restaurateur the show presented him as. So I think Joan avoided a lot of messiness, and I hope his visit is brief.
Predictions and wild flailing guesses
I have absolute no inside scoop about this, but so far my top picks so far are Keith, Mark and Charles K. Don’t hold me to that, but the vibes and edits seem pretty positive on these guys at the moment. We shall see.
Correction: This story has been updated to correct the spelling of Pascal Ibgui’s surname.